WHAT IS A MILF?

I know I have your attention. Recently, with the explosion of women who have children looking for men online and in online dating, I have noticed a proliferation in screen names and log in IDs with word combinations containing the acronym MILF. MILF646. MILF4U. MILF&COOKIES. You know what I mean. But have you ever seen some of these people? You look at their profiles and it’s a woman with Huge breasts, rolls on her sides, and six kids flanking her. If she’s black, three are asian. It is really seriously wrong.

So let me set the record straight, just so that you know, and maybe you can warn your friends. YOU CAN NOT JUST GO CALL YOURSELF A MILF. Its not just wrong, its wrong. Why you ask? Because you have no idea what MILF MEANS.

For instance, you cant say as a woman, “I am 5’5” and have 3 children. Don’t worry, I am a MILF”. You can’t just call yourself a MILF. Why? Because MILF stands for Mother I’d Love to F#%k. That’s right. I said it. It stands for Mother I’d Love to F#%k. So how can you say that? You don’t know me. And even if you do, you don’t know that I’d Love to F#%k you. MILF is a special designation. If comes from the backrooms of adolescent males who were just discovering sex and lust and noticed why the men in the neighborhood all turned their heads when a certain friends mother walked by. It is one of those American Pie, Y tu mama tambien type designations (both are references to movies in which the MILF is explored). Its not just an acronym, it’s a freakin adventure and daydream unto itself. Reality can’t possibly bring one to the places the phrase MILF can. Its just impossible. It’s the height of the wet dream. It is the dream. It’s not MOTHER I’D LIKE TO F#%K. Its not pretty older woman. It is Mother I’d Love To F#%k. You can’t just call yourself that. You have to be a mother and I have to want to do animalistic things to you for you to get such a designation. It’s the difference between liking something and coveting it to the point that god is going to send you to hell because it is so serious.

Urbandictionary.com, a random site, defines MILF as:

milf
6710 up, 898 down

“Mother I’d Like (to) F#%k”
mothers, whether married, separated or divorced, that a male individual sees as physical attractive enough to want to have sexual intercourse with them. Just cuz their moms doesn’t mean that they don’t need a spark in their love life. If they’ve ever breastfed,they have really responsive nipples and a core of erectile tissue in their breasts. The ones in good shape have worked at regaining control over their vaginas (Kegel exercises).  MILFs are usually real careful about birth control, they know accidents happen but they take responsible steps. They want to fuck with abandon, with no romantic complications for their under-19 family.
A MILF is any mother that is sexually desirable.

They have it almost right…but as you can see…the term inspires pure craziness. However, either way you put it, it’s a label that only the beholder can really accurately convey. However, in today’s online booty call age, it is slowly becoming less accurate to describe an amazingly sexy woman and more a signal that some nasty hoodrat wants you to go to her house and have sex with her while her children lie in the same bed. It has to stop.

So don’t call yourself a MILF…

Cause you can’t be a MILF unless the person you are speaking to says so!

Check out this related post: Urban Relationship Advice: The Bottom Bit#$H

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