HOW TO CHEAT
Seriously, what is cheating?
Are You A Cheater? Is it like porn having no definition but you know it when you see it? Is that ok?
When you are in a relationship, the rules for interacting with people of the opposite sex change. At least, they are supposed to. Some people feel that if you have to change your behavior, you are not in a good relationship. Others feel that there are things you just don’t do if you are in a relationship.
HOW TO CHEAT
What cheating is and what it is not really is not always simple. That being stated, lets start with what is definitely cheating:
1) Having Sex with Someone who is not your partner when you are in a committed relationship
If you are having sex with someone who is not your girlfriend or boyfriend and you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you have no business even uttering the question “what is cheating.” That is because you known darn well what cheating is, it is what you are doing, did, or have been doing. You seriously need to get it together, because you are a cheater. Of course you are lying to him or her, it makes sense, because you are probably lying to yourself.
What is Cheating? Having sex with someone other than your partner, outside of their presence without their permission.
2) Anything that leads to Herpes
A Medical School professor once included the following exam question – “What lasts longer: Ever lasting love or Herpes?” The correct answer was Herpes. Unfortunately, it always is.
What is cheating? Well, if you are in a relationship and you are doing something that can lead you to pick up something that lasts longer than everlasting love, then well, you are cheating.
3) “You can’t catch that from a toilet” –
Getting anything that leads to something you need antibiotics for that you can’t catch from a toilet is cheating from someone other than your significant other is cheating. Such a situation is not just cheating, it is a serious violation of the trust and safety of your partner. If you find yourself peeing fire after cheating, go to the doctor. Do not self treat yourself at the supermarket with cranberry juice or some other silly item of that sort. Cranberry Juice does not cure the fire that lives in water. This is different than the last class of cheating, because ever lasting love lasts longer than these things. However your relationship may not.
What is Cheating? Doing Something that will cause you to bring the Kooties or Ebola home. Ok fine. Ebola is not cheating. You can make an argument. Kooties is not ok. It wasn’t ok in elementary school and it isn’t ok now.
4) Engaging in Sexual Activities With a Member of The Same Sex
This is the Down Low Brother/Down Low Sister Rule (A Down Low brother or sister is someone who is living the life of a heterosexual individual and is secretly engaged in A closeted Homosexual Lifestyle). It applies when you are in a relationship. If you want to be gay, have a gay old time, but don’t think for a second that it is not cheating if you are doing it with someone of the same sex. I know, this is obvious. However, there are sooo many cheaters who use that rationale. For some reason it seems to run deep for politicians & Music Moguls, among others. If you are leading someone to believe you are one thing and they are making life decisions based on those representations, you are not just cheating, you are maliciously destroying someone else’s life. You are more likely than not a selfish peace of turd. Not because you are gay. There are plenty of amazing gay people. It is because you are a liar. There are plenty of gay people that will be there with the family members waiting to throw stones at you.
What is cheating? Having any sort of sex &/or sexual contact with a member of the same sex when you are married or in a relationship. Then End. It isn’t just cheating, it can lead to resignation of office too.
What Is Cheating?
Cheating Can Be Subjective!
5) Sexting can be Cheating
Sexting is to Cheating what Marijuana is to Drugs, it is a gateway item. It isn’t crack. It is a doorway to other actions and behaviors. In no other situation do you have to wait for something horrible to happen before you can say it was going to happen. If someone is about to swing a hammer at your head, you aren’t going to get mad at the person that stops them. If the police catch a guy going to school with 10 guns and a grenade, they don’t have to wait until he nerd rages and takes out half the school before acting to stop him. Well, the same applies to texting. If you are sending suggestive pictures of yourself to someone, your partner does not have to wait until you are going to see the goods in person, or vice versa to declare you a cheater.
What is Cheating: Cheating is when you text a picture of your pinky toe to someone with a foot fetish.
6) Engaging in an Emotional Relationship
If you are engaged in a serious emotional relationship with a member of the opposite sex that is not related to you, you are a cheater. Emotional cheating is sometimes worse than physical cheating. It can be very hurtful and destroy a relationship. If you see this happening, it is a serious sign of cheating or in some cases, it is the precursor to an affair. Also, as we say often on this site, beware of the platonic friend. All is fun and games until you remember that most of us spent our lives believing that pluto was a planet, only to find out we had been lied to. They aren’t the same word, but they are close enough to worry.
What is Cheating: cheating is when you are in an emotional relationship with someone who is not in a committed relationship or a cheater is someone who has not closed the door to an emotional relationship with someone they were previously in a relationship with.
7) Kissing anywhere but the cheek
This can lead to herpes. But even more, it can lead to fights. If the kiss is on a sexual organ, forget about it, you are cheating. Even the cheek may be a fight, but it will probably not lead to someone stabbing you in your sleep.
What is cheating? HOW TO CHEAT: Kissing someone anywhere but the cheek, including the butt. If you are kissing someone’s butt, it can be cheating.
8) Doing anything that can lead to sexual arousal or stimulus and continuing to do so
Heavy Petting, leaning on someone, grinding on someone at a club or elsewhere, meetups in the supply closet, rubbing legs, light massages, sucking fingers, and things of that sort are all cheating. Essentially foreplay is cheating. If it is possible that something is considered foreplay, than you are already about the catch a cheating charge.
What is cheating? How to Cheat? When Bill used the Cigar on Monica, he may not have thought he was having sex, but he knew he was cheating. The end.
9) Cyber Sex
This comes up. If you are chatting and text Sexing, it is cheating. This also comes up with situations where people cheat by masturbating or engaging in sexual activity on web cameras, webcams and the like. These are often called webcam or LiveCam situations. Porns sites have whole areas where women and men do shows for people who send money. Often a show wont start until a viewer sends a certain amount of money through the site’s commerce system. The performers will set an amount and when the viewers pay in that amount, the “show” will start. There is a reason people pay for this type of stuff, it leads to sexual gratification. Such being the case, if you engage in it on either side, it is a form of cheating. Another place this comes up is in “Second Life” type scenarios in which people engage in sexual activities using avitars. Yes, this is a serious circumstance and has come up. One woman explained the situation away by saying that it was “like a video game” and therapeutic. Her therapist thought the same thing. Her husband on the other hand needed some therapy of his own.
What is cheating? HOW TO CHEAT: If someone is having sex with your avitar and you are participating, or if someone is engaged in a sexual performance that you are watching in order to gratify that person or you, you are cheating. If you are the performer, you are also cheating, unless your significant other knows and you are getting paid, in which case, you are a porn star. But not a good porn star. You are the porn star equivalent to one of those guys or girls that thinks he or she is a model because a photographer takes pictures of him or her and he or she has 10 or 15 thousand friends as a result on the internet. Real models and porn stars get a W-2 or a 1099 at the end of the year. You are just a cheater.
10) Keeping in Touch with Exes
This is the classic fight waiting to happen and people still do it. Keeping in touch with an ex is never a good idea. If you have children, the role of being co-parent with someone else may make this avoidable. Otherwise, a clean break is what is needed. Nothing good can come of stale wee wee (boys have one) or vajayjay (girls have one). You wouldn’t eat or handle a peace of candy that was two years past it’s expiration date. Why are you talking to a guy or girl who is?
Facebook friending exes after the relationship is over is another way to cheat on Facebook. If you can talk on facebook, you can cheat on Facebook. As many a scorned man or woman has discovered, cheating and Facebook often go had and hand. One Congressman’s wife recently found out that cheating and twitter can go together as well. Cheating and Facebook run together no differently than putting a drug addict into a house full of drugs, it just is not a good idea to put someone who was in a relationship into a situation where they can relapse. When your ex is sitting there, a click away, it is easier to maintain contact on your weaker days. The goes for being contacted. It is the pathway to cheating.
What is a Cheater? If you keep in touch with your ex, you are probably a cheater or a cheater to be. How to Cheat: If keep touching your ex, you are cheating.
11) “Liking” some Skanky Guy or Chick’s Pictures on Facebook or Instagram
Ok, maybe it is not cheating, but it is definitely a fight waiting to happen. You may not be thinking it through fully, but when you like someone’s picture, it is a public act. Now everyone sees it. It is not a private action. You are publically telling everyone that you like that. ALOUD. As yourself, if you had an old grandma, and that skanky chick was showing her breasts or bent over a table in front of her, would you go over, smack her butt and say “I like this” in front of your significant other and grandma? I didn’t think so. Well, that is what you are doing when you do that on Facebook or Instagram. You are no longer just watching the train wreck, you are a part of it.
What is cheating? HOW TO CHEAT: Smacking and rubbing some skanky girl or guy’s train wreck on the internet.
